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10:47pm 21/02/2004
  even though jo is here i figured i would type in this. i really want the semester to be finally over. i took an online course for how to work a computer but the professor is a dick and i havent done ANYTHING for this class at all. i could have dropped it but then i would lose 40 % of funding i get. work is ok, easy money, except that jo has to give up all of her weekends to come up here and get screwed over by ian, he says he'll come visit her but he never does and i feel sorry because i always liked him and i always wanted her to be with him and not John. i guess i was wrong about that one. joseph went to danville and got his lead testing updated and they said he is doing really good and there is no noticeable impact on his health as of yet. Jake moved out on his own 2 weeks ago and I feel bad because I haven't really been there for him, I sent him over a bag of fries and some oatmeal and little things like that but that's as much as I can do. Joey's a nightmare to live with, can you believe that he doesnt work now and doesnt even leave his room, in fact I have to bring him up cans of soda or coffee and I have to go buy his cigarettes. he doesnt help me carry groceries in and he bitches when he has to watch the kids when im at school trying to make our lives better. he's a waste but i dont want the kids to not have a father around like i did to jake and jody. i just dont know how much more i can take, i want to move out west where the casinos are life and would be very nice. jody said she would follow me so that is good i would have someone out there.  
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01:12pm 17/12/2003
  I sent my english professor a bad email concerning my final grade. She gave me a 55 on my fifth essay an F can you believethat? Then she put a note on my paper saying I was going out with a poor grade she couldn't
understand why? I told her peer evaluation is worthless cause my peers said my paper was fine. I said I did my best in her class and I didn't think I should fail . I also told her I couldn't get in nursing if I fail her
class. She sent back she didn't understand my comments, she gave me a B for my final grade. Now I feel like a dik. Still waiting on Biology lab grade.
Final in lecture is tomorrow. I was quitting college yesterday. I went home crying from school cause of that paper. I sat down to take my final in english(a 500 word in class essay) after reading that last score and I was dumbfounded. It took me about ten minutes to even write something. I was sure I blew it cause all I could think of was 55 55 55 55 55 55 55 55 55 55 55 55 55 55 failure failure failure failure failure . I told LIz I would be in the bar by the weekend. I just had my math final. I know I got at least a B. One more the worst one I have to study all nite and tomorrow.
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03:58pm 16/12/2003
  Jody made me a picture for the journal. I feel bad i only have one for me and Joseph. I had my TEASE test today, I didn't do good I know it. The girl who sits next to me is a bitch, she talks during the whole class because we had it in the computer lab today. I don't understand how someone could be that rude. At one point I just started asking everyone around me if this was annoying to them too but no one would say anything. go figure. There's this kid in my class, he dresses all in black with the chains and bleach hair and he has a girlfriend I guess and they walk around all holding hands like the world would end if they didn't do that. My friend Liz's husband jokes around with me and calls me sweetheart and he acts like there is something going on to piss off Joey. They don't like each other. but no one likes joey. i dont blame them too much he can be a miserable prick. I was reading a little bit of Jody's journal and she said this would bring us closer together until next year when she moves back and goes to Penn State but I don't understand what she writes about anyway. I have my biology final tomorrow, I need to pass this in order to be able to go into the nursing but if i fail maybe i will just go into psychology instead.  
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12:50am 16/12/2003
  this took a really long time but jody helped me make this journal so now we can know more about each other all of the time. i don't know anything about this and i dont have a life that would be fun to read about but ill do this thing anyway. i know i will write in here about how i hate my college teachers because they are young pricks and ill write about the things the kids do and maybe something about what i see kids do in school with me. i dont have a picture to make and put on here so i dont have one of those but it's okay, jody doesnt look like me at all so we can be relieved. just kidding jo i love you